The Unified Self

Well, if anyone out there tuned in yesterday, you know that this is part two of a three part series on random various world views and ideas. And if you didn't tune in, and as a result do NOT know that, I'd suggest reading the post before this one, called "World Views". You don't have to necessarily read it before or after, there's no significance to the order, but you know, just read it!

Anyway, the theory I'm going to talk about today is called (by myself) 'The Unified Self'. It ties into be everyone else by giving some guidelines or boundaries to the attributes we adopt to the 'Perfect Self" I guess. Most of this is random ideas and thought experiments I do in my spare time, which I have way too much of, so some of what I'm writing is already in my head, and some I'm coming up with on the spot.

Now, for those of you that are bothering to read this far, I'm going to be completely honest. A lot of these theories I come up with are, in one way or another, at least partially inspired by girls or romance or what have you. For example, something I possibly should have put into the post about being everybody else, is that part of the way I come up with my idea of my perfect self, or chose what traits to adopt to it, is to think of the kind of girl I hope to end up with, and then imagine what kind of guy would be good enough for a girl like that.

The Unified Self is an idea that was also originally inspired by interactions with a girl, only this time it is in a more negative way. The idea originally stemmed from looking back on my life, specifically my romantic life, but other aspects as well, and realizing how many different people we are everyday. I was one person at work, a different person with this group of friends, still another with that group. To some extent they were all obviously me, but at the same time none of them were completely me.

The specific one that really got me questioning this somewhat expected part of culture was of course, my interactions with a specific girl. Those of you who know me probably know who I'm talking about, but for those of you who don't it's not the specific person that matters. Basically in the fallout after a 2+ year relationship with this girl that left me somewhat worse for the wear, I realized that I hadn't really been myself for over two years (This is not to say anything bad about this girl, relationships don't work everyday, and it's no ones fault, some people just aren't meant to be).

It's a pretty basic story, boy meets girl, sparks fly, and so both decide they want to pursue things further, unfortunately this often means that both parties try to be a better version of themselves, or maybe a tailored version is more appropriate. And this is true of new relationships of almost any kind. At a new job, I'll act the way I think will make me fit in there, in a new group of friends, I'll play up our similar interests and try to avoid the things we disagree on, it's just human nature, were social beings.

My problem with this girl is that I built myself up into someone I thought I she wanted me to be, rather than someone that I was, and for all I know that could be why things didn't work (Although looking back I do see we were all kinds of wrong for each other). For two years I was playing a part.

So this is where the idea of unified self stemmed from, a desire to avoid that scenario for repeating itself. The idea, as I'm sure a lot of you have guessed, is to focus on being one person, namely yourself, in all situations. And this idea ties into being everybody else in the sense that, you don't want to become one person in all situations, that can't work in all situations. I'm still having difficulty working it out myself, but I'm trying to dvelop it over time, a unified self that im completely comfortable in, that also works where ever I am and with whoever I'm with.

It's a work in progress so far. One of the traits I've chosen for my perfect self is being honest, and so I may have told someone in an interview for Best Buy, that when I worked my last retail job, I often sent customers to other stores for better deals. Now arguably this is why I wasn't hired, BUT I'd like to say that I also informed them that because of this honesty and willingness to ignore my commission, I often had customers that would come back to me specifically for their big ticket items, because I'd earned their trust. And I was also fairly often top sales in the store.

So maybe that comment did lose me a job, and maybe I desperately need a job and it was a dumb thing to do. But, that's who I am, or who I want to be, and if that's not the kind of employee a company wants, than that's not the kind of company I want to work for, because I never want to be anyone other than myself.

Keepin' it Real,
Jeff